Greed

Hello, I'm a critic from !  I really love what you did with this piece!  You captured a theme that is simple -but apparently invisible- with an ease that I admire.  You wove your message into the form of a story, and I think you did it wonderfully.  You put so much into the personality of your narrator in such a simple, straightforward fashion, and that is really something to be commended.  I also love the length of this piece.  It is just long enough to say what you need to say without the distraction an overly long piece can provide.  It reminds me of a fairytale: short, sweet, straight to the message.

On the other hand, I found a lot of the formatting distracting.  I'm not entirely sure if this fits any traditional form, so I don't know exactly why you arranged each line like you did.  That is to say, I don't know why you rhymed some lines within themselves "...again // ...ten!" versus "...be // ...Me."  In general, rhymed verse should be standard throughout the piece or even divided by section.  Without that unison, the rhyme scheme just seems uneven and choppy.  Also on the note of formatting, I don't know what kind of file you uploaded here, but I would recommend copy and pasting your text into the box instead.  The additional baubles floating around just distract me because I am an internet user and constantly distracted. 

Overall, this is a lovely piece!  It's sweet and simple and shows a whole lot of promise.  Hope to see more of your work soon!